The following are actual phrases that I spoke over the last three days. No, I’m not crazy – I’m just a mom:
1. Papaw is coming over – someone make sure the toilet paper roll is on the actual holder and not just laying on the floor. And flush while you’re in there, please!
2. You know, you’re right – you do look like a dead fish when you do that.
3. How exactly did the bag of Fruit Loops explode in the first place? Wait- it doesn’t matter – just push it on the floor and put on your seat belt.
4. Someone bang on the window – the dog’s eating poop again.
5. I don’t know why God made it like that He just did. Now stop touching it.
6. It’s okay, sweetie, we’ll put more toilet paper in your shoes when we get to church.
7. You did awesome! You scored at both your games and you didn’t even hurt anyone!
8. She’s right, that’s a Miley song and not a Hannah Montana song.
9. Sorry, I draw the line at taking scissors and staplers to bed with you.
10. If I have to tell you to get off your sister one more time, you aren’t going to the swim party at all!